(font:'Comic Sans MS')[#//Prelude//: ''The beginning of your adventure''
(if: $num_deaths is 1)[Let's try this again shall we?](else-if: $num_deaths is 4)[Welcome baaaack! You sick little freak, you're in MY world now.](else-if: $num_deaths is 5)[Okay. I'm kinda getting sick of reintroducing you to this game.](else-if: $num_deaths > 1)[Hooo boy let's DO THIS AGAIN. Friccin. Goodness.](else:)[What's up n00b!? Welcome to the best friccing computer text adventure video game of your LIFE.]
(if:$num_deaths > 3)[You have no choice but to learn how to [[win->winJourney]]. That's all you can do. ](else-if: $num_deaths is > 1)[This is "the beginning" yada yada yada.](else-if: $num_deaths is 1)[This is the BEGINNING of the JOURNEY. SO! BE SMART ABOUT IT!](else:)[This game will rock you! Get ready to be friccing Transformed!]
(if: $num_deaths is 1)[Okay do NOT make the wrong choice here. You can go [[east->die2]] or [[west->die2]]](else-if: $num_deaths is 2)[Please. PLEASE. Pick the right choice this time. You can go(link:" east")[. No. Not letting you fail this hard again. (if:$both is true)[ [[Just stay put dangit!->Two]]](else:)[(set:$both to true)]] or(link:" west")[. NOPE. Not this time.(if:$both is true)[ [[Just stay put dangit!->Two]]](else:)[(set:$both to true)]]](else-if: $num_deaths is 3)[[[Stay Right where the fric you are, don't even think about going west or east because we KNOW BETTER NOW->Two]]](else-if:$num_deaths is 4)[Oh and just for fun I mean, try going [[east->die5]] or [[west->die5]]](else-if:$num_deaths is 5)[Seriously learn how to [[win->winJourney]].](else:)[You can go [[east->die1]] or [[west->die1]]]
](font:'Comic Sans MS')[''Holy fric you died!''
Did I not tell you there was a huge friccing dragon right there? Because like, there was. And it killed the FRIC out of you.
(set:$num_deaths to 1)
[[Try Again?->One]]](font:'Comic Sans MS')[''Are you friccing kidding me!? You died again!!!''
There was a big friccing pack of lions who leapt out of the trees and ate you like a Cheesy Gordita Crunch, only available at ''Taco Bell'' //Yum//!
I don't know what you expected this game to be like but. Holy fric you are NOT good at it.
(set: $num_deaths to 2)
[[Try Again?->One]]](font:'Comic Sans MS')[##You stayed Put!
(if:$num_deaths < 3)[FINALLY you made a good choice. Thank you for finally figuring out that there are rules to be learned in this game and you need to learn them before just casually walking [[east->die3]] or [[west->die3]] without any kind of description or anything.
So let's begin. [[Learning is going to take some time->die3]] so make sure to [[pay->die3]] [[attention]]](else:)[You stayed put. Good. Now, you want to [[win->winJourney]] and in order to do that you can't [[die->dieJourney]].]](font:'Comic Sans MS')[''ARE YOU TRYING TO DIE?? CUZ GUESS WHAT YOURE SUCCEEDING, YA DIED A THIRD FRICCING TIME''
(set: $num_deaths to 3)
In your friccing //HASTE// you overlooked the fact that BATS could drop from the ceiling and swallow you whole at ANY MOMENT. Goodness! Look around!
[[Try again->One]]](font:'Comic Sans MS')[''Attention''
//noun//
1. notice taken of something or something; the regarding of someone or something as interesting or important.
"she ''drew attention to'' the fact that she will die soon."
2. the action of dealing with or taking special care of someone or something.
"if you don't want to die in this game you ''need to pay attention''."
[[Meet your fate->die3]]](font:'Comic Sans MS')[''So you want to win do ya?''
Congratulations. Now it's time to learn the rules. //My// rules. Let us begin.
* [[How to Play->winJourney_1]]
](font:'Comic Sans MS')[''Okay well that was an obvious one, wasn't it. You died again.''
You clicked fearlessly and ferociously into death.
(link:"Try Again")[(font:'Helvetica')["Wait no, there's got to be [[more to this!->dieJourney1]]," you think to yourself]]](font:'Helvetica')[##You confront the narrator]
(font:'Comic Sans MS')[''What? What are you doing!?''
This is MY game! You can't have thoughts in it!]
(font:'Helvetica')[
* [["Yes I can"->dieJourney2_1]]
* [["No wait... you're right."->dieJourney2_2]]
](font:'Helvetica')[##You confront the Narrator
"You, narrator, are out of control!" you say.]
(font:'Comic Sans MS')[This is //Nutrageous™//! You can't undermine me in my own friccing game!]
(font:'Helvetica')["Yes I can," you declare, somewhat uncertainly. Hoo boy. This is making you feel...
* [[Awesome with power->dieJourney3_1]]
* [[Weird->dieJourney3_2]]
* [[Confused. Very. Very confused.->dieJourney3_3]]
](font:'Comic Sans MS')[''Good! You learned your place. Now die!''
You died in a confusing meta situation.]
(font:'Helvetica')[[["Is this all this game is?" you think to yourself->dieJourney2_1]] ](font:'Comic Sans MS')[##How to Play
This is all a little game. MY game. MY rules. If you wanna win... well, ya gotta get with the PROGRAM. The computer program, that is!]
(font:'Helvetica')[
(if:$has_sword is true)[
* [[Brandish the ''Blade of Destiny''->winJourney2]]
](else:)[
* [[I don't want to->dieJourney2_1]]
]
](font:'Helvetica')[##You are a powerful agent of change
You stare the (link-reveal:"narrator")[, a heavily panting, sweaty, Extremely Online™ guy with no sense of dignity,] in the eye... seeing him for the first time for what he is. He is taken aback by your confidence. Your stance. Your (link-reveal:"erect")[ (heck yeah)] posture.
It's your move.
* [[Look Around->dieJourney4_1]]
* [[Talk to Narrator->dieJourney4_2]]
* [[Win->winJourney]]
](font:'Helvetica')[##You are right to feel weird. This is a weird situation.
The (link-reveal:"narrator")[, whose gaze you can't seem to escape,] gives you that strange feeling you get when you poke your belly button. It's so strange. That's how you feel all over.
He senses your unease... tread carefully.
* [[Look Around->dieJourney4_1]]
* [[Talk to Narrator->dieJourney4_2]]
* [[Win->winJourney]]
](font:'Helvetica')[##You are confused and vulnerable
The (link-reveal:"narrator")[ (font:'Comic Sans MS')[looks so... friccing cool. [[You should talk to him->dieJourney4_2]].]] is staring at you like a hungry panther staring at a ''Cheesy Gordita Crunch™'' only available at //Taco Bell//.
* [[Talk to Narrator->dieJourney4_2]]
* [[Win->winJourney]]
](font:'Helvetica')[##The Basement
You are in a well-furnished basement, blinded by (link-reveal:"light")[ (hmmm, maybe you should [[shield your eyes->dieJourney5_1]])], surrounded by strangers. They are laughing (link-reveal:"hysterically")[. Like, they are laughing SO HARD. Having such a good time]. It is night.
Off to the side lurks the Narrator, grunting and plotting his next move. [[Speak to him?->dieJourney4_2]]
](font:'Helvetica')[##You speak to the Narrator
(font:'Comic Sans MS')[Listen... we got off on the wrong foot. I //want// you to [[win->die4]]. Just play by my rules... ]
(if:$has_sword is true)[He does not know that you hold the great sword. With your power, it is time to ask him how to [[Win the game->winJourney_1]].](else:)[It's difficult to see him under these bright lights.]
](font:'Helvetica')[##You brandish the SWORD OF DESTINY
Beams of golden, heavenly light stream forth from the ''blade''.
(font:'Comic Sans MS')[AGH!!! Where the fric did you GET THAT!!! PUT IT AWAY!!!]
It is time. You say...
* [["Yield Narrator! And let me win this //Prelude//!"->win]]
* [["I better not freakin die!"->win]]
* [["I'd like to die one last time I think"->dieEnd]]
](font:'Helvetica')[##You shield your eyes
Ah, much better. You can see the smiling faces around you. [[Something shines brightly->dieJourney6_1]] to the east of you.](font:'Comic Sans MS')[''HAHAHA DUDE I FRICCING GOT YOU SOOOOO BAD!!! YOU ARE SO FRICCING DEAD! DEAD DEAD DEAD!''
(set: $num_deaths to 4)
Honestly you got too smart with me and I needed you AXED. Now play nice or pay the PRICE!
[[Try again->One]]](font:'Comic Sans MS')[''You died.''
(set: $num_deaths to 5)
You walked right into the Narrator who sliced u in half with a sick //Zork// reference.
[[Try again->One]]](font:'Helvetica')[##You look to the east...
(set:$has_sword to true)
And... could it be true? The object of legend, right before your mortal eyes? Could it be... ''The Sword of Destiny''!? The bane of evil!? The thing that you've heard of all the time???
Why... doesn't the legend say "They who hold the Sword of Destiny can finally [[win the game??? By first talking to the narrator???->dieJourney4_2]]
](font:'Helvetica')[You point the great ''Sword of Destiny'' at the sweating, miserable narrator. You think "Perhaps I don't have to use violence..."
But then you totally decide to. You stab him //repeatedly// and so savagely. In every part of his body. Holy crap he dies so many times. Shoot. It's actually gross and everyone in the basement is afraid of you now. Yikes.
## You win. But at what cost??
](font:'Comic Sans MS')[''You died.''
The strong and heroic narrator kicked ur stupid friccing sword out of your hand and turned into a big strong Hulk Wizard and spelled you to DUST!
(link:"Try Again?")[Psych! You're done, punk!!! You have to start the whole thing again!!! HAHAHAHAHA]
]